Constitutionally Speaking

Today, I was sitting in the student union, reading and meticulously transcribing the Constitution onto note cards (non-kinesthetic learners, I do not expect you to understand), compliments of Dr. Birzer's infamous constitution quiz, which really wasn't that hard*, if you're curious. Anyway, there I sat, calmly focusing my energy on remembering to care about something I actually care very little about, and a group of neighboring students began casually chatting with each other. I tried to ignore them, really I did, but soon their increasing volume and my fascination with the Constitution combined to draw my interest. I wish I could relay their conversation with more detail, but it was all about guns and really, I know next to nothing about guns ("ak-47...bad?"). 30 minutes later, the gun talk started to grate on my nerves until one of the kids (and I honestly don't know what his name is, I'm not trying to be secretive) made reference to someone who I assume, though who knows why, was a friend of his. Gun Kid 2 chuckled when GK1 mentioned his friend and queried, "does he have any living relatives?" "Sure, plenty of them," responded GK1. "Damn," said GK2 (his word not mine. I'm not going to hell yet, Adam). "He is pretty well off," sighed GK1 sympathetically. "Oh, it's not his money I whant**." I sighed a little too, relieved that I would not have to walk over and punch GK2 in the face. He was pretty big. "It's his guns."

Sigh officially taken back.
I felt an interesting combination of nausea and tidal-wave-esque anger swirl through my stomache.

Even now, hours later, I can barely even articulate how wicked and disgusting and sickening this is. Oh but wait; you don't buy my gunslinging conservative stereotype? I don't blame you. When they finally moved past guns, GK2 very originally pointed out that the stimulus package was going to...do some things Adam would not approve of me saying...to America. Oh, oh! They even called Obama names. If the sickness already brewing in my stomache hadn't knocked me over, the originality definitely would have.

Then they went back to guns.

This is the part where I assure you all that I am not actually a crazy liberal, but remain a crazy libertarian. The truth is that I support gun rights and think the stimulus package is dumb. But honestly? I am sick of gun slinging rednecks (ooh, look, I can name call too!!) sitting around pretending that there is nothing more to life than firing at illegal immigrants and calling black people names. Seriously. Take a peek into the real world and maybe spend that money you were using for guns on something more...i dunno...Christian?

No. I'm not bitter at all.

The moral of the story is that Nathan woke up in time to go to lunch before I stalked over and gave those (very large, scary, capable-of-pain-causing)...people...a piece of my mind. In the end, I stomped downstairs, half wondering if I was missing their next discussion topic. Maybe griping about outsourcing, or plotting a lynching***? Evidently I am less openminded than I previously thought.

*Dr. Birzer, if by some odd chance you see this, please do not see this as encouragement for increasing the intensity of future tests, but rather as a grateful note from a student who was very glad not to fail you in such an important matter.
**this is supposed to illustrate the southern drawl. You think I am lying and making up an accent for effect? I wish.
***No, Samantha does not know when to just keep her mouth shut and not say exactly what she is thinking. Deal with it.