Constitution Barbeques

In history class today, we learned about abolitionists in the US before and during the civil war. Abolitionists do not sound like the kind of people with whome you would want to spend a relaxing afternoon. On the 4th of July, they would burn the Constitution and talk about how evil America was. I think they probably barbequed meat too.

America was pretty evil then, incidentally. Even those who opposed "the South", pretty much still hated black people, and many of them were not against slavery so much as they just wanted to keep the problem in the South and change the laws that let southern police come up north to take black people. The South wasn't a whole lot better, obviously. Aside from the fundamentally wicked institution of slavery, they called for a federal police force, proving that they weren't really so much in favor of states rights after all.

So the abolitionists had a point. But they weren't very popular, and I imagine them all looking a little like Ron Paul. If there were abolitionists today, I'm not sure we'd like them as much as we like Ioan Gruffudd in Amazing Grace; they would be the kind of people like Ralph Nader that everyone makes jokes about, but nobody puts signs in their yard for. Conservatives would mock them and liberals would probably ignore them. They would sound kind of like Tom Stockman in Enemy of the People, though maybe less articulate and more passionate. If there were abolitionists today, they would not be polite or politically correct.

Abolitionists were probably not nice people.

In retrospect, it is easy to side with abolitionists, because we mostly think slavery was wicked and that it is good that people like Lincoln faught wars to make it stop, and make the US into "we the people" (thank you, Nicholas Cage, for that little tidbit). It was abolitionists and not racists like Lincoln who probably did the most to actually lobby for equality in the long run, but it's hard to image ourselves in their places. Saying that black people should be equal to white people was like saying that money is wicked, and that making a profit should be outlawed. There would be lots of people who kind of sympathized with you, but ulimately liked making money and used profit to feed their families. There would be even more people who thought you were insane, and probably some that thought you were a Marxist. It may even be like declaring yourself as a Russian during the Red Scare. Lots of people would say you were un-Patriotic (given your 4th of July rituals, they may have a point), and Joe McCarthy would put you in jail.

Wearing peace signs and shopping at Urban Outfitters is cool, but being an abolitionist is not cool at all. Being an abolitionist means that you are wildly unpopular, disliked and if you walk down the street, some people might spit on you, or crucify you, or write nasty articles about you in the Collegian. Being an abolitionist means that you care more about your cause than anything else in the world; even more than you care about money or fame or your own life.

People like Jesus and Ghandi and Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King Jr are abolitionists.

I would like to be abolitionist.

However, due to the environmental ramifications, I do not suggest, or plan on, burning the Constitution.

Constitutionally Speaking

Today, I was sitting in the student union, reading and meticulously transcribing the Constitution onto note cards (non-kinesthetic learners, I do not expect you to understand), compliments of Dr. Birzer's infamous constitution quiz, which really wasn't that hard*, if you're curious. Anyway, there I sat, calmly focusing my energy on remembering to care about something I actually care very little about, and a group of neighboring students began casually chatting with each other. I tried to ignore them, really I did, but soon their increasing volume and my fascination with the Constitution combined to draw my interest. I wish I could relay their conversation with more detail, but it was all about guns and really, I know next to nothing about guns ("ak-47...bad?"). 30 minutes later, the gun talk started to grate on my nerves until one of the kids (and I honestly don't know what his name is, I'm not trying to be secretive) made reference to someone who I assume, though who knows why, was a friend of his. Gun Kid 2 chuckled when GK1 mentioned his friend and queried, "does he have any living relatives?" "Sure, plenty of them," responded GK1. "Damn," said GK2 (his word not mine. I'm not going to hell yet, Adam). "He is pretty well off," sighed GK1 sympathetically. "Oh, it's not his money I whant**." I sighed a little too, relieved that I would not have to walk over and punch GK2 in the face. He was pretty big. "It's his guns."

Sigh officially taken back.
I felt an interesting combination of nausea and tidal-wave-esque anger swirl through my stomache.

Even now, hours later, I can barely even articulate how wicked and disgusting and sickening this is. Oh but wait; you don't buy my gunslinging conservative stereotype? I don't blame you. When they finally moved past guns, GK2 very originally pointed out that the stimulus package was going to...do some things Adam would not approve of me saying...to America. Oh, oh! They even called Obama names. If the sickness already brewing in my stomache hadn't knocked me over, the originality definitely would have.

Then they went back to guns.

This is the part where I assure you all that I am not actually a crazy liberal, but remain a crazy libertarian. The truth is that I support gun rights and think the stimulus package is dumb. But honestly? I am sick of gun slinging rednecks (ooh, look, I can name call too!!) sitting around pretending that there is nothing more to life than firing at illegal immigrants and calling black people names. Seriously. Take a peek into the real world and maybe spend that money you were using for guns on something more...i dunno...Christian?

No. I'm not bitter at all.

The moral of the story is that Nathan woke up in time to go to lunch before I stalked over and gave those (very large, scary, capable-of-pain-causing)...people...a piece of my mind. In the end, I stomped downstairs, half wondering if I was missing their next discussion topic. Maybe griping about outsourcing, or plotting a lynching***? Evidently I am less openminded than I previously thought.

*Dr. Birzer, if by some odd chance you see this, please do not see this as encouragement for increasing the intensity of future tests, but rather as a grateful note from a student who was very glad not to fail you in such an important matter.
**this is supposed to illustrate the southern drawl. You think I am lying and making up an accent for effect? I wish.
***No, Samantha does not know when to just keep her mouth shut and not say exactly what she is thinking. Deal with it.