how movies can make you popular

when i teach debate camps, i always begin with a session entitled 'how to think.' in this session, i ask about what makes a good movie. i usually get answers like "good plot" and "lots of action".

almost never do i hear what actually makes movies great: characters.

if you really think about it, though, no one really cares about plot when they watch movies. people like to think that they want action, but really all they want is for something terrible followed by something great to happen to someone they can relate to.

here are some elements of good fictional characters:
1. fatal flaw - all good characters must have them. maybe they smoke compulsively (eternal sunshine of the spotless mind) or are slightly/majorly OCD (Monk) or even have a drug addiction (House). the fatal flaw makes them attractive and human.

here's the funny thing about fatal flaws; even if we don't have them, we create them because we think that they make us different. we pretend {even subconsciously} to be annoyed by disorder, and we emphasize our injuries {because being that guy who hurt himself in the football game is better than just being that guy}.

i'm not sure there is anything wrong with this tendency, but it tells us more about why we like the ugly, fat girl in the movie who turns out to be nice on the inside, instead of the popular cheerleader who lacks witty banter and clever catchphrases. in the end, all of us would rather be the fat girl with the makeover than the cheerleader.

2. the loser/winner dichotomy - much like the fatal flaw, great characters must be very bad at something. it doesn't really matter what, as long as it is noticeable and incurs mockery from their peer group. the important thing is that they have a hidden talent of some sort. drawing, painting, rock climbing; again, it doesn't matter what. in the end, this character will be called upon in a highly unlikely circumstance, and will demonstrate their talent, to the awe of their peers.

there is a common cliche which says that in order to succeed, we must fail. this is what the loser/winner dichotomy comes down to. if you are good at everything, people secretly resent you. if you are terrible at everything {and have no sharp wit to make light of your shortcomings} people will avoid you. this is why the best characters balance their failings with a hidden talent.

3. past hardship - you may be noticing a trend; the things that shape good characters are really not good at all. similarly, past hardships are the keystone to a great character. hardship is the get-out-of-jail-free card for the violently inclined. Bruce Wayne's vigilante justice is understandable, even commendable, because it is birthed from righteous vengeance. the protagonist of any chick flick worth its salt has lost a mother, been teased mercilessly or abandoned at birth. we are even willing to excuse criminal behavior like money laundering (Catch Me If You Can) because of characters we have developed past-based sympathy for.

it is impossible to escape the fact that our past shapes the people that we become. for a character to be successful, their shortcomings and strengths must be grounded in something beyond themselves.

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so these are some things that make characters great. but maybe you don't believe that characters are the only element necessary for a good story {movie or otherwise}. let me prove it to you.

1. if a character does not grow, it is impossible for them to be the protagonist. hence the success of 'coming-of-age' stories where a previously unrealized character unleashes their inner potential. without a protagonist, a movie cannot succeed.

2. in a movie, we permit the suspension of reality, in order to observe character growth. almost all movies operate on a series of highly unlikely premises and events completely severed from reality. as an audience, we accept the new reality presented by the movie, not merely for its own sake, but because we realize that people are ultimately the same, regardless of setting and plot in which they find themselves.

3. we instinctively seek ourselves in movies. this is where facebook comes in handy. countless times a day, stories in my newsfeed inform me about which movie or tv show character you think you are. are you Pam from the office? are you fun loving Jim? which chick flick character are you?

these quizzes are not evaluated based on similar settings and plot structures, but target personality {character} similarities between you and characters in your favorite tv show.

4. characters are the reason we accept cliches. how many football movies have you seen, featuring an underdog team that ultimately beats out the bigger, more experienced players? why do we keep seeing them? because we accept that despite the identical and predictable plot structure, everyone loves a good underdog story.

in the end, a good movie is defined by its characters. which makes things interesting in the real world. after all, if we like characters in movies, it follows that we would like people who possess the qualities of a great character in the real world. this is why Bill Clinton was elected {and remained} president, and why people read tabloid magazines. without flaws, celebrities would be really rich people who lived in mansions. without a special talent, losers would stay losers and criminals would stay criminals.

so if you want to be popular, become the ideal character i described above; identify your weaknesses and strengths, and emphasize them. you may be unhappy and fake, but people will like you more, and probably remember you after you die.

Off the Road

I fell in love again
all things go, all things go
drove to Chicago
all things know, all things know
we sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes

I think every kid sometimes wants to get in the car and drive, not anywhere in particular, just away. I have been thinking a lot recently about how things were back in the 50's and 60's, where people just picked up and hitchhiked across the country. I don't trust people who have never wanted to do that, because I think we are born with a desire to travel and learn and experience.

In a world where media brings London and Hong Kong to our living rooms, it seems like maybe we would be content on the couch with pizza and a remote control. But I think instead, I just want to go more. If fairytales happen in movies {and they always do} then I might be a closet heroine, just waiting for the perfect setting to realize how cool and interesting I actually am.

Sometimes I play out scenes in my head before they happen, like I am actually in a movie. Actually, to be honest, I do this a lot. I imagine the things I will say, and how people will respond, and what will happen. This is why I am rarely surprised or phased by anything. I have played out almost every potential outcome already and planned my response to it.

So maybe this is why I feel the need to do crazy things like drive {or walk?} across the country. Because maybe then things would surprise me. I guess the point I am trying to make is that people are the same everywhere, and no matter how far you run, they will be annoying and shallow or fascinating and individual. Not that you shouldn't maybe try, because maybe you are easily surprised and things like that will be good for you.

But branching out is pointless unless your roots are sound. And if you go without sound roots, you will end up like Sufjan Stevens says; in a van somewhere, crying for freedom from the land and from yourself.

Writer's Cramp

There is nothing more frustrating than lacking inspiration for pent up creative genius. History and English papers have reduced my writing abilities to faltering metaphors like: "the room was as dark as America during Jacksonian nationalism" and "his words made as little sense as Bacon's obsession with chickens."

So much for my plans of being a starving, talented artist on the streets of Portland. Thank you, fate, for foiling my elaborate plans once again.